Frustration

It's amazing how that when things go against the grain, I get frustrated with life, either because it's moving too slow or speeding by too fast, and I'm not balancing the gravity of my being, both mental and physical, in this sphere called consciousness. I meditate on peace, dig like a miner into the earth of my psyche in an attempt to find those unpolished stones, which once polished, produce the jewels of patience and equilibrium, which once found, can be used as fuel to navigate my spaceship (the mental eye) throughout this illusion we call "the world." Often I wonder if I'm the great illusion, and that all of this we identify as reality is just a dream of some puppeteer who created me to rest on my center as a creation, as a human being, to observe the winds of life swirl and course around me along the curvature of my circumference, to experience the sensory stimulation of my five senses, just to one day die and then to have the universe collapse upon itself, because the massive illusion called consciousness has become deceased within my soul, and I sleep the long sleep. Is God and man a duality that has been blindfolded from our spiritual eyes, keeping us sleepy in life, or is it a reality that can be realized through inner concentration, focus, practice of virtues, and meditation? This frustrates me, because often I dig too deep in the abstract nature of self. The mind is an extremely powerful mechanism, so powerful that it can rewind back (if the mind is finely tuned) to the point when the physical of my mother's egg and my father's sperm cell merged, to the point when my blurry soul came into physical existence in the womb, and if the mind is calibrated to the finest and sharpest point, it is possible to draw back before all of that physical combination came about and reach back to see where my soul was dwelling before I became a glimmer in my mother's and father's eye. Where does the soul come from? Are we merely physically animated creatures, or do we have something, called a soul, which is beyond all the limitations that are placed on us from the moment we are thrust through physical creation and consciousness? What came before physical awareness? I don't believe that my physical body is the extent to my mental abilities, is the limitation. Christ said, with the faith of the mustard seed, one could move mountains. That's telekinesis. Telekinesis originates from a thought. A thought originates from the mind. But where does the mind originate from? From whence did the idea of a universe, and subsequently, consciousness, come from? These questions frustrate me, because being schizophrenic, I experience aberrations that I cannot explain, which pulls me into the realm of infinite energy beyond the mere physical.

Thanks to the reader, for giving me a reason to write.

Stephen Strange